Amnesiac Texts - IX

Dom: Our newspapers are beyond a joke. Jermaine Defoe has a column. We don't.

Boswell vs Johnson - LIVE!

ASH: Diary idea a cracker. My biographer (i.e. I) will be so gutted when I reach 70 and have never got round to it.

Dom: You'll have to busy yourself editing mine... X

ASH: You are a total Johnson x

The Amnesiac Texts VII

Dom: Success in life is about getting rid of self-doubt.

ASH: And the opposition.

Amnesiac Texts VI

ASH: 'A writer shouldn't write for money; but there's no reason anyone else should expect him to work for nothing.' Have I nailed it?

Dom: Sweet. Blogit.

ASH: Will do. (Even better, it's my retort - somewhat overdue, admittedly - to a remark by Ayn Rand.)

The Amnesiac Texts V

ASH: I am in Essex, wearing tights, some sort of S&M harness, and a t-shirt that says 'Vote For Pedro'. A career boosting move, d'you think?

The Vagina Textologues

My fellow amnesiac, who is currently on his way to Egypt "to hunt Almazsy", sent me the following text this morning:

"Dawg, Indie p29, Deborah Orr on 'Antichrist'. Fucking spectacular. Am woman: must refer to vagina..."

Suitably intrigued, I pulled the Indy up on my laptop, and was quickly slapped in the face by the following paras:

Our girded vaginas, valued sexually for their tightness, used to the enjoyment of penetration, widen without the bidding of our minds to expel our babies in a physical experience that is a reversal of sexual intercourse.

Our erogenous breasts become nurturing mammaries when we feed our babies, and the dual function can feel deeply confusing. Male genitals, whether fertilising or not, perform the same sexual functions, relay the same physical sensations, whether they create children or they don't. It's pointless to suggest that women's deepest notions of the division between sex and procreation are not far less tidy than men's.

Spectacular indeed, not least in the use of the word 'girded'. I was also taken by Orr's ("What a name!") neat description of Lars von Trier: "The guy is probably a jerk. But since I don't have breakfast with him every morning, I don't care."

Click here to munch on the full taco.

Amnesiac Texts IV

Dom: So, did you pass out twice?

ASH: Nah. I was looking for an excuse to avoide some skanky club (not to mention getting stuck in town at 3am), so when my girlfriend got knocked off her bike I saw my chance and went home.

The Amnesiac Texts IIIb

ASH: So, how went your show-down with the out-laws?

Dom: I think I survived. Quite interesting, actually. Have been stoned ever since.

ASH: The out-laws hooked you up? Score!

The Amnesiac Texts III

Dom: MIT MIT Looks like I'll be dining with the mother-out-law tonight. Any advice for a condemned compadre?

ASH: Lie.

Dom: I knew I could count on you.

The Amnesiac Texts II

ASH: “I’ve just left the house for the first time in about a month without my laptop over my shoulder. What a fucking relief.”

Dom: “For the rest of us, too.”

ASH: “Heh. Not a chance. I still have my notebook and pen.”

The Amnesiac Texts

Dom - "I'm sitting listening to office workers on their lunchbreaks, and feelin intensely proud of us. Sadly I need to wizz like a racehorse, but just bought un cafe in a Republic with no bog."

ASH - "Republics. A great idea, until you need working toilets."

A literary exchange

As transpired this lunchtime, via text message:

Dominic Hilton: I think I need a lesson in how to organise all my notes into something semi-coherent. Any tips?

ASH Smyth: A metal bin, and a match.