World Teacher Day

I got a card today - "to the World's Best Teacher."

It had five spelling mistakes in it.

And was a day late.

Gawd...

It is impossible for a man to read and earn money at the same time, unless he is a reviewer, and Ruggiero prayed never to fall so low.

- Jeanette Winterson, Art & Lies

[Personally, I gotta say I've never found it possible to read and earn money even while being a reviewer. But there it is.]

Stationary business

The man in charge of the stationery can never find his pen.

Hand job

Lack of blogging activity of late due to half-arsed efforts on the part of one amnesiac to find gainful employment of some kind.

Like I keep telling all the agencies, I am good with my hands:



(Thanks to RN)

Scam du jour

For all those lazy students/freelance journalists out there, here is a site that will solve all your deadline troubles.

[NB Off the record, and funny as that site is, the Amnesiac Review suggests you save your five bucks, and just send an e-mail to a non-existent address (your own, for example, with a string of numbers on the end), then FWD the rebounded mail to the correct recipient, pausing only to backdate the relevant details in the new draft...]

Gainful unemploy

Joyce: Did you have anything to do with his brother's death?

Mike: Yes.

Joyce: This is what comes of having no regular job.

- Joe Orton, The Ruffian on the Stair

Why we write (sort of)

"The torpor of his mind renders him not only incapable of relishing or bearing a part in any rational conversation, but of conceiving any generous, noble, or tender sentiment, and consequently of forming any just judgement concerning many even of the ordinary duties of private life."

- Adam Smith [with an 'i'], on people with jobs.

Overheard at work today

Frumpy primary school 'teacher': "So, how did you get into painting and decorating, then?"

My brother Jake: "I did a degree in African and Middle Eastern history."

How many men does it take...

Three men came round to lay a carpet today.

Two did the fitting, while one sat in the van, on the kerb, for the duration.

WE'RE MOVING

Amnesiac Review offices, SE24

Not even my own

Vacancy

WANT TO WORK FOR THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED OF THE CARIBBEAN?
Now is your chance. Ambitious publisher is looking for journalists who know and love sports and who wouldn't mind living in the tropical paradise of Puerto Rico.

Unfortunately, this position was advertised in 1959 - and was filled by one Hunter S Thompson.

Also, I wouldn't say I know about sport(s), exactly...

The wisdom of Ross Michael Brown

My company has got me in this horrendous situation where I am obliged to work for 40 hours a week in return for a monthly salary. It's like living under Mao...

- RMB, on life in the (year of the) pig pen

--
Ross Michael Brown is head of the Amnesiac special ops division, hereafter known as The Carpenters.

Criticising critics

Important, frank note on arts criticism from Jonathan Jones. Shame he works for The Guardian, but still...

More on Citizen Kane

"It's no great trick to make a lot of money... if all you want to do is make a lot of money."

Ian Martin

... has a job as a swearing coach.

Awesome!

Lunch with FitzHigham

"Soho is kind of the office. There's no point going into town and going to a
strip club. That's what we do when we're at work."

- Tim FitzHigham, discussing plans for his stag night.

Lost and found out

Circular from the offices of a London architecture firm:

Condoms and lubricant (Unused) found in IT. Collect if they belong to you.

You can pick them up in the strictest of confidence. (promise)

Helpdesk

The world of work

and why we avoid it:

Minimum wage to rise by 7p an hour

"I learned a new word today, Basie" - 8

procrasturbate, v. To screw oneself (figuratively) by not doing work when one should be. (Also, many more literal meanings).

[Thanks to AS]