'****ed' are the meek

Any idea of freedom must include the freedom to be poor.

- Rana Dasgupta

ID vs ego

From the Sri Lankan Department of Immigration and Emigration Residence Visa form:

12. Any identification Marks of Peculiarities? [sic.]

Until otherwise instructed, I'm going to assume I don't need to attach a picture of my Prince Albert...

On politics

A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty.

- PJ O'Rourke

Titles Gone Begging - 7

From Pharaohs to Fair Dos: developing good governance in the ancient world

Patrolling our Borders

I was browsing, yesterday, in Borders.

A Constable of the Metropolitan Police Service came and looked over my shoulder.

I tried hard to pretend we're not living in C.21st Britain.

In The Loop

Review of Armando Iannucci's new dodgy-dossier comedy.

Gits and Saps

Interview with Tom Hollander, from The Oxford Times.

In The Loop

The Amnesiac Review hereby unreservedly recommends this movie.

Likewise the blog of same.

British politics explained

There's stuff I disagree with (or am confused by) in this article - and I imagine my fellow amnesiac is outright banned from agreeing with it on any level, what with his 'fight for Queen and country' armed forces stuff - but Monbiot actually sums it up pretty well right here:

One of the peculiarities of UK politics is that issues supported by hardly anyone receive majority assent in parliament. In the current system, no popular support is required. University top-up fees, for example, were rejected by the Scottish and Welsh assemblies, but Scottish and Welsh MPs were frogmarched through the lobbies to impose them on England (the government won by five votes). Foundation hospitals were voted down in both Wales and Scotland, and foisted on the English by the representatives of those nations. Had Heathrow's third runway been debated only by English MPs, the proposal would have been resoundingly defeated; it was approved by 19 votes, after 67 MPs from the other nations were induced to support the government. They can support such measures without any electoral risk, as their constituents are not directly affected.

Amnesiac interpretation: We are being royally rogered, if you consider the whole Crown-in-Parliament thing.*

*This is a really annoying clever-dick joke for which I humbly apologise.**
**I also never use the word 'humbly'.***
***And what's with all the footnotes? I'm turning into my fellow amnesiac.

Making babies

In the light of Jonathan Porritt's call for a 'green' cap of two kids per couple, the Amnesiacs would like to recommend an upper limit of approx. NO children for anyone who hasn't undergone comprehensive social and intellectual vetting. To wit:

NAMING THE FATHER FOR CHILD SUPPORT IN ENGLAND

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing fathers' details. These are genuine excerpts* from the forms:

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins; child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive , mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby; after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

[Thanks to JB]

--
* The Amnesiac Review would like to make it perfectly clear that we in no way believe the above to be genuine responses to CSA questions. They are far too funny, and - for the most part - correctly spelled.

Tony McNumpty

The Out-of-Work & Pensions Minister, Tony McNulty, says that the whole financial crisis (with attendant job-losses) is far from over, but - huzzah! - that the HMG will be going through inquiry reports on the economic slump with "a fine tooth-comb".

The Amnesiacs suspect he may have meant 'a fine-tooth(ed) comb'. But no matter.

As heard Today on R4

"The Civil Service leaks like a sieve."

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the essence of the statement is correct.

The phrase just seems a little unfair on the sieve, is all.

The Big Question

Q. Can Jacqui Smith overturn 2,000 years of history?

A. No.

Joke (courtesy of PB)

Three doctors are arguing: an Israeli, a German and a Briton.

The Israeli says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced we can take a kidney out of one chap, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks.'

The German says, 'That's nothing. We can take a lung from one punter, put it in another, and have him looking for work in only four.'

The Brit says, 'Give over! We can take an arse from Scotland, put him in Number 10, and have half the country looking for work within 24 hours!'

Non-smoking kills

Our national obsession with legislating away the rough edges of free living now has a definable body count.

Lib Dems offer tax cuts for sex

Or something.

Perhaps I'm not reading it right, but it appears the Liberal Democrats are suggesting that British taxpaying subjects be given income tax breaks for engaging in strenuous physical activity, like the horizontal tango.

In the immortal jargon of some Liberal Democrat at his party's annual conference:

"You have got to find a way to incentivise better health.

"The scheme has to be practical and has to work in disadvantaged areas too.

"You could, for instance, have a card which you swipe whenever you take part in regular screenings or when you take part in physical exercise."

Of course, using words like "incentivise" cannot hide the reality of their sordid sex schemes. Under a Liberal Democrat government*, after taking part in a nookie session, we would be forced to swipe our cards through a special machine on the bedside table, in the hope of earning extra points.

Sounds like a winning strategy to me. It also sounds just like those establishments my co-blogger is always frequenting and telling me about in unnecessary detail.

*Ha!

Wood for the trees

Gordon Brown has sacked Labour MP Barry Gardiner as his special envoy for forestry after he joined the list of MPs calling for a leadership challenge. (BBC)

There's a Special Envoy for Forestry? What does he do, negotiate with the trees?

I've got a better suggestion. Instead of talking to the forests, try NOT CUTTING THEM DOWN.