POETS day

Two late submissions (tsk!) from Mr Christopher Gray:

Asked the Dowager Duchess of Melcombe:
"Egads! Whence does that terrible smell come?"
I replied: "At a guess
It's from under your dress" -
A remark which she found most unwelcome.

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An emphatic young fellow from Speen
Said: "I am NOT going; I've been."
I replied: "That is clear
From the state of your rear
And the smell, which is something obscene."