Despairing Adolescent

Two important notas you should bene about Rodin's Despairing Adolescent, no date, terracotta:

1) He has no date (see above).

2) He has no dick (see below).

The perils of smoking

A Greek woman accused of setting fire to a British tourist's genitals in Crete has appeared in court.

Maria Fanoudaki, 26, is accused of pouring a glass of Sambuca on his groin and setting it alight in a bar in the resort of Malia.

Her lawyer said the 20-year-old victim had fondled her, and may have sparked the blaze himself while trying to light a cigarette.

(BBC)

Bona find

Thanks to my fellow Amnesiac, I was researching 'grilling beards' on Urban Dictionary (I had a hunch...) when I came across this:

1. grilled piece of shit
cock who [sic.] has just been in a gay ass
Hey John please take your grilled piece of shit out of my ass

There's no such thing as useless knowledge; but what really got me was the follow-up link:

get this def on a mug

Loo x 2

My father recently repainted the downstairs bathroom.

He moved the mirror from the wall to the window-sill, and hasn't put it back yet.

Now every time I use the toilet I have to watch myself pee, in stereo.

The post-Blur blur

Headlines

Yesterday's Metro reports that exposure to bright light can "improve men's sexual performance".

Of course, few scientific announcements are as revelatory as they like to claim, and least of all in the field of sex.

Why I love the Lonely Planet (Egypt)

On Mt. Sinai:

If you decide to try a camel,* it's easier on the anatomy (especially if you're male) to ride up the mountain, rather than down.

On the Libyan border-crossing:

The border crossing point at Amsaad, just north of Halfaya Pass, is open 24 hours (sometimes even in a row).

--
* Shame on you...

BS generator of the day so far

And amazingly, it's not my fellow amnesiac.

It's:

The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator

My (Art School attending) bird typed in her birthdate (hint: it's the mid-80s! Oh, yeah!) and got this response:

"I find this work menacing/playful because of the way the sublime beauty of the sexy fish spatially undermines the inherent overspecificity. "

She now plans to drop the line into her thesis on Penis Envy in Florentine Sculpture.

Deprofundity

Family Guy's Quagmire, on vasectomies:

"You take the venom out of a cobra and what've you got? You've got... you've got... a belt!"

The Revolution in Military Affairs

(or Why Only A Chop Takes A Chopper To His Chopper)

Did You Know?

During one of the many clashes between the peoples of Israel and Canaan, one of Jacob's daughters was raped. The Israelites told the Canaanites that they'd overlook the whole business (after all, the offending party was keen to marry the girl, and his tribe were offering good trade incentives) so long as the Canaanites circumcised themselves, in the Hebrew manner.

The Canaanites, recognising a good dea when they saw one, did as they were told. Whereupon, "on the third day, when they were sore", the Israelites promptly ambushed the Canaanite town and killed the lot of 'em.

[Thanks to James C. Davis]

Bring me my spear! (o, 'clouds' unfold...)

Women demand all-day session; man wins wager; and death-in-the-sack no longer the preserve of the elderly.

What's not good about this story?

SPAM du jour

"increase your llove stick"

Courtesy of one Dinkens Hensler.

Sounds Amish.

"I learned a new word today, Basie" - 6

hypogonadism, n. technical term for defective plums.

[Thanks to House, series 1, episode 12, 10m58.]

Probably a good idea with a name like that

Roddick says he will not play nude

Penis theft theory

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital
Wed 23 Apr 2008, 2:57 GMT

KINSHASA, April 22 (Reuters Life!) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Oddly enough, I think my oldest friend Jones was in Kinshasa at the time this was happening. Hmmm... I'd better ask him what exactly he was doing there. He claimed it was some sort of humanitarian TV work. I can't believe I believed him.

More to come on this, I'm sure.

p.s. Here, as evidence, is a picture of Jones with my sister. Look how shifty he looks. I think he must have been trying to shrink my John Thomas with some sort of evil witchcraft spell. I knew something was wrong with that night. I just couldn't put my finger on it.