Former Royal Bank of Scotland chief executive Sir Fred Goodwin told MPs on the Treasury Committee he "could not be more sorry" for what had happened.Amnesiac interpretation:
The former bank chiefs also said the bonus culture had contributed to the crisis and needed to be reviewed.
But Sir Fred said if bankers felt they were not paid enough, they would leave. (BBC)
BANKER: "Hullo! Did you know that we just brought about a worldwide depression? Huzzah!"
AMNESIAC: "Sorry, I can't hear you over these massive gallows I'm erecting."
BANKER: "Haha! Good one! Here, have a fiver and shine my hand-crafted John Lobbs, stitched by virgin midgets."
AMNESIAC: "Look, I told you I'm busy... Hang on! Is that a bonus in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"
BANKER (blushing): "You clearly don't appreciate the subtle intricacies of the banking world."
AMNESIAC: "Oh, yeah?" [Author's note: This is a crap response, but bear in mind that this is only a blog. I haven't time to think of a better one. On reflection, I probably should've said something like, "Are you basing your judgement on my footwear, or what?"]
BANKER (smugly): "Correct. You see, if we bankers didn't award ourselves whopping great bonuses, then something disatrous could happen."
AMNESIAC: "There are three s's in disastrous."
BANKER: "Right. Something disastrous could happen."
AMNESIAC (sounding like Ace Ventura): "Re-he-heally. Like what?"
BANKER: "Oh, I don't know. Like us quitting and working in the public sector."
Five minute pause
AMNESIAC: "And?"
BANKER: "And then who'd be around to do things like cause worldwide depressions?"
AMNESIAC: "Run that one by me again while I grease the guillotine with your trophy wife's tanner."
[THE END]
[BASED ON REAL EVENTS]
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