Britain's (latest) tennis debacle

"That's what the Davis Cup is all about - the team sticking together and supporting each other as a team."

So said Alex Peya after his 2-6 6-4 6-4 6-2 victory over Britain's Alex Bogdanovich, which sealed Austria's Davis Cup win over Great Britain yesterday.

I wonder if Peya was deliberately rubbing salt into British wounds?

Can't help noticing the, er, lack of "team sticking together and supporting each other as a team" in the British camp after the latest humiliation.

Said Bogdanovich's team mate, Andy Murray:

"The guys in the other matches didn't get the crowd involved. When Alex fell behind, I didn't see any fist-pumps or hear any 'Come-ons'.

"Even if you're breaking racquets I don't care - I just want to see you're desperate to win the match.

"In both my matches I showed a lot of emotion and got the crowd involved."

(Translation: Screw Britain, I'm applying for joint Scottish-Austrian citizenship.)

Murray also said something the effect of: The reason we lost the bloody tie was because of that dickhead Bogdigaditch, who is the worst fookin' player in the history of the world.

Bogdidabitch didn't disagree.

GB captain John Lloyd said the usual stuff about having to "work harder" and show "commitment", but the truth is that Bogdangiitch is not good enough at tennis to be representing his country. That's not really his fault - God didn't give him the tools (in His infinite wisdom, He gave Jenny Murray two). The blame lies firmly at the door of the LTA, whose high command should be lined up against the centre court scoreboard and rogered with the butts of Wilson Hammers.

Or so says Dr. Bjorn Oldbean, my old friend and tennis partner (when he's not playing ping-pong in Bangkok bars and scaring the locals with his orientalist missives). I didn't see the Bogdidawitch match (I was too busy not watching the Chelsea-Man U game) but Oldbean sent me a full report, which included the observation:

"Even if you or I might bottle it in that situation, at least we'd shout, smash racquets and try a bit"

That's good enough for me.

UPDATE: Oldbean has been back in touch. Looks like the LTA has a lot to answer for. Again.