My misery memoir

I was just mooching in a bookstore in Heathrow Terminal 5.

Bestsellers:

• Helpless: The true story of a neglected girl betrayed and exploited by the neighbour she trusted
• Cut: The true story of an abandoned, abused little girl who was desperate to be part of a family

Noodles to say, both of these smash hit books had pictures of pretty little girls adorning their covers.

Clearly this is where my fellow amnesiac and I went wrong: We were never abandoned, abused and neglected pretty little girls who were betrayed and exploited by our neighbours.

Dammit!

Maybe there's still time?

Here are some snaps of me that could adorn the cover of my own little girl misery memoir:

Cover Snap #1
A shot of my sister and I. (That's me on the right, in blue.)


Cover Snap #2
Here I am contemplating suicide. (I didn't do it.)


Cover Snap #3
And finally, here I am in later years, completely fucked up by my incredibly traumatic and miserable childhood experiences (hopefully in Ireland).


Right, I'm off to pick out something nice to wear for the book tour.